On August 29th, 2005 at approximately 6:30 a.m. the winds began to pick up at our northshore residence located about 60 miles north of New Orleans. I'd awakened early, around 5 a.m. hearing a dull roar accompanied by the cracking and groaning of breaking trees in the distance. It was a small tornado heralding only a hint of the devastation that was yet to come. As I stood on the porch of our small farmhouse in the dark listening to the tornado, doubts filled my mind as to whether or not we had made the right choice in deciding to ride the storm out here. Though I believed that it was strong enough to protect us, our house was built nearly 150 years ago and has never had a coat of paint on it. It was built out of wide fat pine boards. Some of the hardest wood I've ever seen and has stood witness to many, many hurricanes. In spite of warnings to evacuate, we chose to stay which turned out to be a good choice. I was born in New Orleans and am no stranger to hurricanes, some of the fiercest that ever blew through that magnificent city. I remember Betsy and Camille. Those were two of the strongest storms that ever came near us. But I was much younger then, full of wide-eyed optimism and very adventurous. While I was well prepared for the storm; food, water and a good generator, I was not prepared for the emotional upheaval that followed and that I am learning to live through on a daily basis.
The rain and winds continued to get stronger coming out of the southeast. My family and I witnessed our 40 acres of woods surrounding our home literally being stripped of most of its ancient oaks, pecans and pines. Some came up by their roots and were tossed as though they were giant matches landing one atop another. Others were simply blown over by the relentless wind. Our car shed disappeared and most of its contents. (Thank goodness the car wasn't in there!) We had parked our vehicles out in the open 7 acre field where we make our garden every year. Our crops disappeared except for those that were low growing and close to the ground. The pumpkins and gourds were untouched.
None of us were injured. My son, his wife, their children and his ex-wife and her son came to weather the storm with us. Our home was not damaged. It did not even tremble during the sustained 160 miles per hour winds that devastated our area, even when the winds turned and came out of the northwest. This lasted for nearly 8 hours. The fallen trees covered our access (1/3 mile) to the main roads and we were literally trapped here for four days, until the road crews came and cleared our drive. We were without electricity for three weeks and phone service for an entire month. Living conditions were primitive to say the least. We lost all the food in our freezers. The generator was run for several hours a couple of times a day to keep the water pump primed and to keep the refrigerator charged. Having a gas stove instead of an electric one also turned out to be a good choice for us. We were able to cook and make coffee and tea. We washed clothes by hand and sat out on the porch in the evenings and talked by candle light. The days following the storm were bright, clear and extremely hot, but we survived.
I have suffered from chronic depression for many years and lost my daughter to suicide in 1999 and while I've always been able to live through the depression without medication, I was not prepared for the way I started feeling after Katrina. At first, I felt elation. Wow, what a storm, but we're ok. Then there was a driven urge to clean. I'd clean the kitchen or the bathroom....and then I'd clean it again. This was not normal for me. Then there was rage. I mean real hot, angry rage, for just a small infraction. My daughter-in-law took me aside one day and told me that I was frightening the children. I felt awful, out of control. I had no patience with anyone including myself, and then withdrew to my room for days. I couldn't go outside because nothing looked familiar and it made me feel lost. These feelings continued long after the storm had passed. I simply knew that I had lost my mind.
I had no idea what was wrong with me and I later learned that I am suffering from post traumatic stress disorder.
One morning, a few weeks ago, I was watching the Today show when they interviewed an Australian author who was promoting one of his books. The topics that he was talking about really grabbed my attention. His name is Sandy MacGregor and he has written several books about treating depression, anger, low self-esteem and many more serious problems that people face on a daily basis. I went to his website and read and read. I came away with a feeling of hope. That I had not lost my mind and that there was hope for me. His methods made sense. I ordered one of his books: "Switch on To Your Inner Strength", just hoping that I might find some relief and some way of getting my life back in order. I am only halfway through his book and have learned so much about how to actually recover that part of my mind that was so severely traumatized. He clearly explains why we feel the way we do in times of stress and crisis. But he also explains how to change the way we think in order to heal and energize ourselves, and not to just cope. I just had to share this with everyone, because it is working so well for me. It would be wonderful if he could come to this area, particularly New Orleans to help those who have lost everything, including hope, to heal themselves and actually be able to live life again.
I don't want to sound like a commercial, but if you'd like to take a look at Sandy MacGregor's website and see for yourself, you can click here: http://www.calm.com.au/index.html.
